I'm Gonna Do It

I've been a bit chunky since the 5th grade. Call it bad genes, call it overeating, call it not exercising, call it whatever you want but it's the truth. When I was little I used to pray every night that I would lose weight and imagine a grown up pretty me being all thin. Magically in 12th grade my metabolism must have kicked in because I was the thinnest I've ever been. It was really nice. Now, I've never been a size 4, even in 12th grade I only went down to a size 10 (which was still not good enough for my mother) but being 5'9" I thought it was wonderful. I felt so dainty and could fit into really cute clothes and I wore skirts all the time. I managed to pick up two boyfriends and became more confident in myself. It didn't last long though. My metabolism quickly tuckered out and went back to being slow and annoying. It didn't help that since I was going to college and working full time that I would just grab fast food or go out with my boyfriend and friends and eat fried food. I was really taught the value of exercise when I was a kid. My brother and mom are very skinny and my dad is larger now, but used to be very skinny as well. I was usually outdoors in the pool and was always involved in a sport, but never learned that working out is part of a healthy lifestyle. I will definitely be teaching that to my kids when I have them. So it wasn't until about a year after graduating high school that I got on a scale and saw that I had gained almost 80 lbs! What! Yes, it's true instead of the freshman 15, I somehow had managed the freshman 80. I was horrified and in denial (thinking my pants had just shrunk and I needed new ones). So I decided to rectify the problem. I started P90X of which I finishes about 10 days then quit. A year later when I moved to Clarion to attend college I started working out and noticing changes. Then my boyfriend came to school as well and I started spending more time with him and friends then I did at the gym. A year after that I moved in with said boyfriend and that summer had a small breakdown about my weight, which was embarrassing because his friend was over and we lived in a studio bedroom. That summer I started P90X back up and i lost 40 lbs. I felt so good and I thought it was so easy and I had my boyfriends support, but I stopped after the first level, because of work and feeling so tired. I've tried working out on and off again but to no real avail. Last August I quit my job and for an entire month I worked out which got me in the groove and I was soon able to keep going even though I got a new job. That lasted 3 months and I started to look good but once winter hit, it was like I just wanted to hibernate. I had absolutely no motivation. I would work10 hr shifts and be exhausted, especially since I got no vitamin D. So now that I am laid off of work and living on unemployment Ive been trying to work on my weight. I would like to lose 100 lbs and be the skinniest I've ever been, but in all honesty I just want to look good and not have to worry about a flabby belly or arms or beefy calves. I want to go shopping without being embarrassed about being a size 16. And most of all I want to feel good. I want to be able to go up the stairs without being winded. I started walking and jogging on a beautiful running path next to my fiances work and I'm on day 8 of a 30 day squat challenge (by day 30 I'll be able to do 250 squats) and I started jillian michales 30 day shred. So let's see how this goes, but I think this time I'm gonna do it. Fingers crossed x